


What I Can't Give

by peculiar_idealist



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex wants kids, Angst, F/F, Maggie doesn't want kids, Mild Supercorp, Sanvers - Freeform, not quite sure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 02:23:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18085610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peculiar_idealist/pseuds/peculiar_idealist
Summary: “What do you think of having kids? You know, like, little me or little you running around, laughing and calling me or you mom.” She asked.Kids… I shudder at the thought. “Babe, I don’t think we should be having kids.”“Why? Don’t you want to have kids with me?” Alex asked again, although it was with a tinge of bitterness in her voice.-OR-Alex wants kids and Maggie isn't too keen on the idea of having one.





	What I Can't Give

**Author's Note:**

> Don't expect a good angst 'cause I'm a fluffy type of gay. I'm just a woman who's trying to do something out of her own comfort zone. Can you understand that? HAHAHA. Okay, enough of my lame jokes.
> 
> Usual protocol:  
> -Angst isn't my forte  
> -All mistakes are mine  
> -English isn't my first language  
> -Criticism is highly appreciated
> 
> Most importantly, enjoy.<3

Game nights were one of my favorite nights. I get to spend time with my friends. Winn, James, Kara, Lena, and, most especially, Alex. It’s kind of a weekly routine for us so that we could all bond together.

As usual, we had fun, drinks and stuffs, and eventually, the night ended. Everyone went home except for me, Kara, and Lena. We stuck around for a bit so that we would be able to help Alex clean up.

“Guys, you really didn’t have to stay and help.” Alex said as she picked up our empty cans of beer.

“We wanted to.” Kara smiled at her sister. “If we held this on mine or Lena’s or Maggie’s, you wouldn’t also leave without helping.”

“True that.” Lena agreed, placing a kiss on Kara’s cheek.

“Eww. Get a room, Little Luthor. Both you and Little Danvers.” I quipped.

“We would if we could but we can’t only because for the sole reason that this is Alex’s place.”

“Lena!” A red faced Kara whined which made us all laugh.

A few more minutes later, we were done tidying up. Kara and Lena bid their goodbyes and left. As soon as the door closed, I felt a pair of arms snake my middle.

“Hey.” Alex whispered just a few inches on my ear, sending goosebumps all over my body.

“Hello to you, too.” I muttered as I leaned my back comfortably towards her.

“Can you stay?” Alex asked.

“Of course.” I answered, turning around to face her completely and gave her a soft peck on her lips. “You don’t have to ask.”

With that, Alex smiled and leaned in to kiss me fully on the lips. We have shared a kiss numerous times before, sure. But every time that we kiss, it’s just like kissing her for the first time all over again. I know. It _is_ cliché. Anyway, afterwards, the birds and the bees happened so, yeah. No need to elaborate. We gonna keep this strictly rated PG.

**

Being with Alex for two years has been a bliss. I moved in with her, we got engaged and all. We have been fighting at times, but we don’t let ourselves sleep at night without even making up. We were already contented with what we have… until one night.

“Hey, Mags?” Alex called softly while running her fingers to my scalp, massaging it a little. I let out a sigh of content.

“Yes, babe?” I looked up at her, showing off my dimples that, according to her, she loves the most.

“What do you think of having kids? You know, like, little me or little you running around, laughing and calling me or you mom.” She asked.

Kids… I shudder at the thought. “Babe, I don’t think we should be having kids.”

“Why? Don’t you want to have kids with me?” Alex asked again, although it was with a tinge of bitterness in her voice.

“Babe, it’s not like that.” I sighed as I propped my head up to look at her properly. “It’s just that… It’s too soon, yet, don’t you think?”

“Yeah…” She nodded slowly. “Yeah, you’re right. I must’ve caught you off guard. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” I kissed her softly on her lips which she responded without missing a beat. It was slow and steady at first, but then it escalated rapidly. Not wanting it to get too far, I reluctantly pulled away and leaned my forehead to hers, cupping her cheeks. “I believe we have to have an early start tomorrow morning. Let’s go to sleep.”

Alex complied and we both settled back to cuddling. “I love you, Mags.”

“I love you, too, Al.”

She kissed the top of my head and as minutes passed by, I felt her breath gone shallow. She was fast asleep while I’m here, thinking about her wanting to have kids. It’s not that I don’t want kids. It’s just that I’m scared of having them. I don’t want to make the same mistake my parents did to me. Scared that I might fail them as a parent. Scared that they would loathe me the same way how I loathed mine. No one wants that, right?

**

It was game night again and Lena introduced someone new to us. “Hey, guys. I’d like you all to meet L-Corp’s CFO and my friend, Sam Arias. Hope you don’t mind if Kara and I tagged her along.”

“Sorry. It feels like I’m intruding, but don’t worry. I won’t be staying long.” Sam said shyly.

“Nonsense!” Kara exclaimed. “You’re not intruding. You’re always welcome here. You know what they say. The more the merrier.” I chuckled at Kara. She’s always the most welcoming and the cheery one among us.

“Thank you, but I still won’t be staying for too long. I wouldn’t want my daughter to be alone at our pla-“

“You have a daughter?” Alex asked, cutting her off which surprised Sam… and me. Sam just nodded as a response.

“That must be nice.” Alex said, smiling a bit.

Sam nodded again. “It is, actually.”

They smiled at each other for a bit, but it was far too long for my liking. Hello? I’m, like, just right here? As much as I want to voice out, I just bit my tongue to avoid saying any unnecessary words and just went on silent mode for the rest of night. Alex doesn’t seem to notice. She was busy bombarding Sam with questions about her daughter, what it feels like having a daughter, and the likes.

Kara seemed to notice my distress because when my gaze landed on her, she gave me a sympathetic smile and mouthed ‘You okay?’ I just smiled back at her and nodded.

“As fun as this is, I have to go now.” Sam stood up. “Thank you, again, for having me here. It’s really nice to meet you all.”

“Come back next time. We’d like to have you around again.” Winn said. 

“Yeah.” Kara agreed. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“I bet Alex would love to have you here again.” Everyone went dead silent and they all looked at me like I just grew another head. I didn’t mean for it to sound harsh, but there was a bite in my tone the way I said it. Can’t help it. “To ask questions, I mean.” I said much softly. “She’s been thinking about us having kids so she must be curious what it feels like to have one.”

Everyone seems to visibly relax when I smiled, except for Alex. Oh shit. Was it just a secret between us? Am I not allowed to talk about it in front of others? Whatever that look on Alex’s face was, she didn’t say anything to me even after everyone left.

**

“Hey, babe… can we talk?” Alex asked as she sat on the couch.

“Sure.” I said slowly as I settled on our center table. Those words never really end up good. “What is it about?”

“Last year…” She cleared her throat. “We, uhm… talked about having kids, right”

I nodded. I think I know where this is heading. “What about it?”

“Don’t you think it’s time? I mean, we have already waited for so long.”

I shook my head. “A year isn’t that long, babe.”

Alex’s brows furrowed. “Why are you so opposed to the idea of having kids?”

“I just…” I took a deep breath. Might as well be blunt, tell her now and get this over with. “I just don’t see myself having kids. It scares me just by thinking about having one.” I confessed.

“So, all along, you never really intended to have one? Not even with me. You never really wanted to have kids with me.” Alex said, voice barely above whisper.

“Alex…”

“No. it’s clear that you and I want different things, Mags. I want something that you will never want. I… I don’t think we should go on with this.”

“What- what are you saying?” I stammered, quite shocked to process anything she says.

Alex let out a shaky breath. “We should split up. Sort things out.”

As she let those words out, it was as though my heart was being pricked by thousands of needle and my vision became blurry. “I-is… is that what you really want?”

“No.” Alex shook her head. “But I just can’t see us being happy if we continued this.”

I looked down and nodded slowly, letting my tears fall freely. “Maybe…”

“Mags…” I didn’t dare to look at her. I can’t bring myself to look at her. I hate myself for being weak. For not being able to face my own fears.

Sniffing, I wiped the tears that are falling continuously. “I’ll go pack my things.”

**

“I guess this is all.” I said as I zip my luggage bag.

“Do you have any place to stay?” Alex asked, concern lacing her voice.

“Yeah… Yeah, I do.” I smiled a bit, although it came out as forced.

We were silent for a moment, staring at each other. Then Alex’s lips quivered as tears fell from her beautiful eyes and hurt was evident in her face. “I wish this didn’t end like this.”

I can feel my eyes starting to get watery again, but I tried not to cry. “Me, too…” I shifted my gaze and looked everywhere but her eyes. I guess I should’ve just stared on the floor. Everywhere I look in this apartment, I remember everything we’ve done, all the plans that we made, and it breaks my heart even more. “I wish I was strong enough to face my fears. I wish I could give you what you want.”

I badly want to reach out and wipe those tears that were streaming down on her face. I want to kiss and comfort her… but I know that I can’t do it anymore, not right now. Instead, I took the engagement ring that she gave me two years ago off my finger and gave it back to her. “I hope you’ll find someone who can really make you happy.”

She pulled me in for a hug that was enough for me to break down and let all my emotions flow. We were both crying and neither of us wanted to let go.

“You’re going to be a great mom someday.” I croaked out and I reluctantly let her go. I grabbed my things and walked towards the exit. I gave the apartment which I once called home and the woman I’ve loved, and still love, one last look. I swallowed the lump that was forming again on my throat. “See you around, Danvers.”

“Yeah.” She flashed a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “See you, Mags…”

I walked out of the door and closed it slowly and behind the closed door, I can hear her heart wrenching and painful sobs.

**-5 years later-**

Flowers everywhere along with people that is dressed formally. I’m at the far end of the church aisle and I can see Alex near the altar wearing her tux and looking as beautiful as ever. She didn’t want to be the bride wearing the gown. I may be far but I can still see her smiling brightly.

I saw Kara and Lena, marching down the aisle as a pair (on Kara’s insistence), then James and Lucy, and many others. And then there’s Sam and I, accompanying each other as we both trudge the aisle. We were already halfway to the altar when my tears were starting to fall down.

“Hey…” Sam squeezed my arm lightly as we continued to walk. “You okay?”

“Yeah…” I sniffed. “Yeah, I am.”

We were almost at the end, Alex was already there waiting. Sam hugged me and I whispered, “Thank you… for acting as a mother figure for me.”

Hugging me back, she whispered as well. “You deserve to have someone at your side on your most special day.”

Alex cleared her throat, letting her presence known. Sam chuckled, letting me go and giving me another squeeze before she walked towards her station.

I turned towards Alex. “Looking sharp, Danvers.” I quipped.

“Don’t I always, Sawyer? Or should I say, _Mrs. Danvers_?” She laughed. “Shall we?”

She extended her arm and I gladly took it. “We shall.”

“I love you, Mags. Forever.” She said softly.

“I love you, too, Alex.” I smiled and repeated, “Forever.”

The event went on, we exchanged our vows, and that’s how we lived happily ever after.

What happened? How we ended up being together? Well… I think that’s for me to know and for you to find out. And yes, my dear ones. I am shooting you a wink.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what came over me but this just kinda sprung up out of the blue. Let me know your thoughts... I feel like I'm missing something. Lol.
> 
> Come find me at Tumblr. [@peculiar-idealist](https://peculiar-idealist.tumblr.com)


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